take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
