did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
