once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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