I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
