also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
