True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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