I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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