yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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