After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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