I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
