Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
