I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
