Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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