This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
