it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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