I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
