His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
