Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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