Sponge bath it is.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
