Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Mom said you looked used
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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