I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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