I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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