Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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