you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
