if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
