I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
