Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
