he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
