Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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