we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
