who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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