their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
