im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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