he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
