my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm too high and old for this...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
