I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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