You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
