if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
well you can't waste a boner
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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