3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If i come over, it means nothing
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
