I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
