Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Who died my cat blue again?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
