how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
