I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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