u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
