I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
