The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
