you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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