This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
