just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
