I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
being pregnant is like rehab
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
