I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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