So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
